fa la la la la

the holidays are so bittersweet for me. especially the years em is with her dad for Christmas. i hate the Christmas song that says "it's the most wonderful time of the year." excuse me, a literal piece of me is gone and i'm supposed to be jolly? i don't think so. the enemy is constantly trying to invade our thoughts and bring shame to our lives and the holidays are a particularly hard time for me. i think about past mistakes and how that effects em and i (and everyone else in our families) now. i hate that she has to suffer the natural consequences of my sins. she is so precious. i worry that i have permanently tainted her view of marriage and family.

but guess what. the enemy doesn't win. we are victorious in Christ! through the miracles of His birth, death and resurrection we have access to total healing, forgiveness, and peace. and every time the enemy tries to remind me of my sins, i have to remind him that he is defeated and i'm forgiven.

so i may not be so jolly and fa la la la la at Christmas. but i will be joyful. and thankful. we have everything we need and things could be 100 times worse. God is faithful and will never leave us. that is more than we deserve. and i will continue to pray for em's future husband, despite her refusal to even consider getting married :)

p.s. i still may get a shirt made that says "she's with her dad."

My Beloved

i received a beautiful (anonymous) letter the other day. here is a picture of it. i was just blown away at how beautiful and intimate it is. i have been thinking of several things that were in the letter and my all time favorite passage is Isaiah 54. it is still so hard for me to believe that God loves me this much, but He has proven Himself to me over and over again.

thank You God for teaching what it means to be loved. thank You for loving me when i didn't yet know You and even when i purposely chose other things to try to replace You in my life. You are the Love of my life and You take my breath away every time i think about You. i want to keep getting to know You more intimately and to love others as You have loved me. help me to show others the joy of returning to my first Love.

here is the content of the letter. be blessed....

My Beautiful Beloved,

I love you. More than the sun loves the morning, I love you. More than the soil loves the rain, I love you. More than the tide loves the shore, I love you. I stream My love through your soul in the same way I guide the waters through the riverbed. I whisper tenderness to you in the breeze. I caress your face with sunrays. I dance with you in gusts of wind. I hold you tightly against my chest as the wind blows in your face.

I love to listen to the rise and fall of your breath as you sleep. You bring a smile to my face every morning as I watch you greet the new day. My longing for deep intimacy with your soul is so intense that My tears stream down and shower the earth. My love for you is so powerful that it thunders in the heavens. You are the apple of My eye. You are my heartbeat. You are constantly on My mind.

For you, I have spun the world. For you, I have reigned Supreme throughout the ages. I have given my most prized Possession to prove My deep love for you. Oh Beloved, if only you could understand the depth of My immense emotion over you. I rejoice over you and dance around you. Oh how beautiful you are as you read all My love letters. I am enthralled by your beauty.

I am your husband. I have chosen you Beloved, and taken you as My wife. Because I created you, only I can love you the way you need, the way you truly desire to be loved. I can’t wait to see you dressed in the most luxurious of pure, white linen I have saved for you. I have created the most exquisite of jewels to adorn you with. My precious one, I have saved the richest of fare for you to delight yourself in. I know the wedding feast I have planned for us will be the greatest moment of your eternity, the culmination of our courtship, the consummation of our love.

My Love, look carefully for Me. I know the imitations that easily tempt you. You look for earthly man to ride up on his white horse and whisk you away. You long for your very own prince charming. Remember My last letter to you? I have declared to you that I will come on a beautiful white horse, and My name will be Faithful and True. My glory will blaze down like the most brilliant of fires and then you will understand. You will understand why I have made you wait My love. Through the glow of My glory you will feel the most intense, soul fulfilling, immeasurable love you have ever known. But, My Beloved, you must wait for Me. You must keep yourself pure and blameless. And here is a hint. Stop looking for your prince to ride up to you on earth. Turn your face to the heavens and see your dream come down to you.

I love and adore you.
Jesus

Rev. 19:7-9 and 11-12; Isaiah 54:5-10; Deut. 32:10; Ps. 139; 2 Pet. 3:14-18; Ps. 45:11